I could introduce myself, but that's not the real story. The real story is that I have managed to give birth to a Force, and for the last week that Force has refused to sleep during the night. She's almost two now, and this household is getting a little desperate. My husband has been debating sleeping in the car. I'm ready to down a few very strong drinks and put in some ear plugs. Please, allow me to quote my favorite line from the original Wicker Man:
Because she's not human, man. I've been dancing like a grinder monkey keeping her little ass awake for the last four days, all in the name of her sleeping at night, like we humans do. The kid has been falling asleep while walking during the day, no shit. But as soon as the dark hits, game over, man. It's like the dark gives her an evil energy. She doesn't even cry, which would wear her ass out and give us some much needed rest. Nope. She YELLS for us. She bellows out instructions in a desperate pleading drill sergeant voice. "MOMMY COME HERE! MOMMY WAKE UP! MOMMY PET ME! MOMMY COME HERE! I NEED ORA-GEL! MOMMY GET ORA-GEL!" Never mind that the kid does NOT NEED ORA-GEL! It's a ploy. But I still sit in my room, bawling like a girl stood up on Valentine's Day, and wishing I could just convince her that life would be sunshine and cherries if she would just relax and go to fucking sleep.
So this is my Desperate Attempt. I need to keep sane, and maybe sharing with the Internets will give my the outlet I so desperately need. I expect no one to read this, and should someone just happen by, well then, SEND TODDLER AMBIEN.