Friday, August 24, 2007

I'm going to have to get really good at something

My God: I want to shave my legs.

It's been a week, maybe two, since the razor last met the hair, and although I'm not at yeti level yet, I'm not going to win any hot legs contest anytime soon. It's not that I lack a razor, or shaving cream, it's that when I have the energy I don't have the time, etc. Plus we have one of those 4' by 4' shower stall things, so shaving my legs either involves angling the shower head into a corner as best I can, pulling my leg straight up and balancing while I get into my upkeep, or I shave while having no idea what I'm doing because I can't see my leg. The shower is, in fact, so roomy that while pregnant I moved my legs and held the razor still in order to accomplish my goal. It was less like shaving my legs and more like having modern art below the waist. This shower of ours also appears to have been designed to accelerate mold growth throughout the shower. The grout, glass (?) walls, caulking; all of it needs bleached nearly daily in order to prevent massive fuzzy black growth. I could take a bath, but that involves whole heaps of time, water, and emptying the bathtub of cleaning supplies I have taken to storing in there. I no longer remember why this seemed like a good idea, but I'm sure it did at the time.

Oh, how I lust after those steam/ shower contraptions. Preferably one with smooth flagstone walls in soothing earthy colors, and a slightly rough granite-ish type floor. This shower? It contains places to sit and other places, close by, to place your leg up on, so that you can both sit and shave your legs at the same time. You can also see what you are doing. It has a place where you can stand and get a full back massage with water, and many handy jets placed around so that you can also just shower, and maybe surf while you're in there. The whole area is harbored by a half wall, so there is no shower curtain, no door, no need to worry about all the mold. It just doesn't happen in my dream shower. Take that, crappy reality shower! No funky orange/pink growing crap to wrestle with daily! HA! ha haaa ha.

This shower lives in my dream bathroom. You know, the one in my head. The walls are tiled with large natural stone; the sink is one of those cool bowl sink deals; the toilet is accompanied by a bidet, just in case you're into that kind of thing. There are towel bars that aren't on your head as you sit doing your business. The bath tub is a jacuzzi with jets. There is a large window with a great view that no one can see in. And a chocolate dispenser. And heated floors. And a massage tub and great lighting and it cleans itself and the toilet never clogs. Seriously, you should see the rest of the house.

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