I read a lot of design blogs, and I've noticed something about the design world that makes me giggle. No one lives like this. There are coffee tables with perfectly arranged objects, objects d'art, small delicate breakable things that have no place in a home where people honest to god live. Sure, it's a nice place to visit, but just try puling in one of those bathrooms after a night of too much fun. In fact, try walking through said house on said night. I bet you wake up the next morning covered in expensive shards, your $15,000 designer couch now stained with some stranger's love juice.
Give me a real house, give me design that is affordable and works with the reality of mud and dirt and clumsiness and cats. All the design website pictures have dogs in them. Little dogs. These dogs have probably never experienced the pure doggy joy of a frozen horse turd in the winter, or rolling in dead skunk. These dogs live pale imitations of real dog lives, much like their owners, who seem to never get dirty of receive piles of junk mail or, for that matter, do anything more offensive than tinkle in their ultra clean and sophisticated powder rooms.
I have witnessed pictures of houses that are decorated entirely in white. Or orange. Or any other color....what is that like when you first wake up? I can only imagine a jarring sensation. One not dissimilar to being hit in the face with a pie while a gong sounds next to your ear.
While many of the homes and apartments do look sensational, and I have been inspired to class up our humble home because of these internet gems, I really do want to see these homes in action shots. I want a photographer to sneak in on a Saturday night after a long week and catch the inhabitants wearing old, frumpy clothes, not using coasters and dealing with a toddler while fighting a cold. I want a little realism mixed in with my form and function, because while pretty, the design I see isn't reality. These pictures are the equivalent to the runway shows in Paris or Milan. I saw a picture this morning of a woman wearing a dress with dried leaves under it, which has to be really comfortable. She also had makeup that hinted at Frankenstein's Monster's Bride, except not as well done. And orange hair. This, also, is not reality, and I keep waiting for the punchline of the joke. How do these people make money? Where is there a market for dried leaf dresses? White couches? Women who break when they sneeze? Glasses that shatter when you laugh while holding them?
I want money for my insanity too.