I went to the shrink that can't prescribe drugs last night. It was OK, but I think it takes a few sessions to determine whether or not a therapist is a good fit or not. We talked a bit, I bawled because I have so much control over my emotions right now, and we talked some more. At one point he mentioned going to my family doctor to get an anti-depressant prescribed until I can get to the psychiatrist. And I started laughing. Maniacally. Because it never occurred to me.
I have gone to my family doc about meds before. I love her. She has been more helpful than a herd of other physicians. But this time it never crossed my mind that I could call her for help. Dear god my brain is scrambled right now. So in 5 minutes, when the doctor's office opens, I'm off to call and make an appointment. I'm taking a personal day next week to go, and then I'm going to spend the day with my daughter. I might take her out to lunch, or to a park, or we might do laundry and just hang out. I don't care. I'm feeling rays of hope here. Woot.
Now, I have a question for you. Do you have a charm? I have always had an ornament that I wear to make things OK. A bracelet, a necklace, earrings, all with special meaning to me. Right now it's my fabulous necklace, with petrified wood for clearing obstacles and a thimble because I love to sew and citrine for my daughter. (Dork! Superstitious dork, even!) And as silly as it is, this was the first piece of jewelry I have purchased for myself in years (aside from bracelets from Whole Foods, ones that are made by companies that donate to children) and maybe it's the fact that I did something nice for myself. Or it could be that I just really love my new necklace. Getting it right when I needed it was a wonderful surprise, and seemed like a small sign. (I believe in signs. Superstitious, remember?) I also talked to my best friend last night, and my Aunt called to tell me about her panic attacks, and to invite us over for some Vegan cooking.
I've got to admit it's getting better, getting better all the time... off to call the doc!