Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Status update: China makes (almost ) everything

Here we are in week 3 ish of our journey, and so far, so good. Shopping has become far less impulsive, which makes me feel like I've become a pre-made goods Vegan. It's been a little frustrating not being able to find cotton clothesline, but nearly everything else I can find an alternative for. Last night I went to pick up some pinwheels fro the girls, but they were all made in China. Same for the little rakes and hoes. But it just makes something I enjoy a bit more of a challenge, and I like that, usually. Ask me in 6 months about the boycott and we'll see if I'm still so chipper.

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Yesterday was a tough one, but today is going much better. Someone called me yesterday; a woman about my age. I watched her daughter for a week as a favor about a year ago, and she's thinking about opening up her own place. I'm so happy to giver her the info and help! She'd be great at this. To be fair, I also warned her about some of the drawbacks. On days like today everything is great! On days like yesterday, what was I thinking? It's the same with any job. The isolation of this one can be a little surprising, though. You're around people all day, but most of them can't really have a deep conversation. The ones that can want to get their kids home. We're still figuring out the kinks in our life here. Spring is a great help, though. Now, if it would break 60 again...

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And our last mash of subjects: There is a necklace at Mixtape I will be buying myself soon. It has a metal thimble and petrified wood. It was made for me, I think, and I'm waiting until Friday to purchase it. If it's gone by then I'll find something else, but really, everything there either has an antique coin or key or something I drool over, so the chances are VERY good that I'll find what I want. I'm getting myself something pretty. I'll be buying some facial stuff this weekend, and some mulch and tools for dirt and cultivation in said dirt. Maybe even some plants, but I think those might wait a week or two. I'm gearing back up. It's like training before a tough event, I think. Lots of little prep work, slowly building until you can lift a 2 ton truck over your head while barely breaking a sweat.

I knew going into 2008 I wasn't very optimistic. I usually have a really good feeling about a new year, but couldn't find my way into any good feelings this time. I looked forward and just groaned. I knew I was going to have to put my cat down early in the year. Perhaps that's why I was troubled by 2008, knowing it would start with death by my side. This year so far hasn't really been full of wonderful luck and joy, so I've decided that I just need to accept it for what it is and hope I've seen the worst. I have a lot of trepidation about trying to get pregnant again. After the first two fails I was ready to try again and again. Now, like an old woman, I mentally scuffle around my brain, wary and indecisive. I want another baby. DO NOT WANT another fail. I feat that another fail will mean a trip to a quiet facility for a week. The doctor said we have a form of PTSD, and I guess that makes sense. John keeps telling me that we'll try when I'm ready, but as sweet as that is, it puts a lot of pressure on yours truly. I'm working for a discussion here, not a "when you're ready" sentence. Are you ready? Are you ready for me and The Crazy if this happens again? I know I'm taking a month or two off, but will time make this any better? I don't know, and can't know. But now it's out of me and into the world, which always makes things easier to think about back here in my head.

So, how do you deal with hard things that are out of your control? How do you handle it when they happen again and again?

3 comments:

HollyLynne said...

thanks so much for the mention of my shop! that necklace is one of my favorites . . .i'd be thrilled for you to end up with it. And now that I've got a heads up I can work up something special and fun to add to your package ;)
I'm glad you're trying to be nice to yourself! we've all got to remember to do that now and again.

Anonymous said...

what do we do?
we keep on keepin on. I know i havent been there but I have in my own way. The only way you get through it is to keep going and know that as long as there is a tomorrow there is a chance for happiness.
Dont give up and dont do it unless your ready. I love you!
B

Anonymous said...

oh and i saw that necklace and had to wipe off the keyboard. LOVE IT
b