Saturday, June 28, 2008

Wet nurse available

Good news! The lactation does indeed appear to be the result of medication-it's a side effect of the lexapro. So no mummy wrappings for me! I also don't get to reenact the Arnold scene from Total Recall, but I'm OK with that. Aside from my boobs being full of milk and hurting, there's nothing wrong with me. You know, physically.

Vacation is going well. Last night I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday at Bucca de Beppo. I'm pretty sure if I'd eaten one more gnocchi I'd have exploded, but they were so good. It was the most fun I'd had in a while, even if I did opt out of going dancing later. It turns out the girl who organized the whole thing had a siezure at the club later. Crazy night, but she's OK. No one else got home until around 4 am or later, so I feel confident in my call to be an old woman and go home last night. Plus, John let me sleep in this morning ( I didn't get home early, either. It was 1:30 when I went to bed, and that is now late for me. OLD.) so I'm feeling my oats right now. I'm going out to the store to get some more supplies, beads and maybe some chain, etc. I want to be prepared for vacation, and if I get it done now I won't need to worry about it any more.

I keep getting addicted to making things. I can now make you a card, present, clothing, accesories and wrapping, start to finish, without leaving my house. I suck at card making, but I can do it. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world, I think, aside from love. But now I'm getting silly. Must have been the tiaramisu I had for breakfast. Mmmm.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Vacation and falling down

So that whole "countdown to vacation with pictures" thing went off real pretty like, didn't it? Ugh, crazy week before vacation Murphy's Law! E has an ear infection, which explains why she's been acting like satan. Poor kid! She's doing better now, which is WONDERFUL. My ears have stopped bleeding and everything! John's had a cold, or bug, something that's turned him into a tired, stuffy slightly grumpy man. I'm just tired. Oh, and waiting to hear back about the blood tests I had this earlier this week. Apparently (according to the nurse who is one of my daycare parents) the lactation could be a symptom of a pituitary tumor, which they pull out through your nose. I keep flashing back to "Total Recall" and the scene where Arnold pulls the huge round ball out of his nose. If I do have a tumor, I'll be practicing all my Arnie impersonations so that I can annoy the shit out of everyone around me by yelling "Ahhhh!" and "It's not a tumor!" I'm evil like that sometimes. My guess is that everything is going to come back fine, and they're going to tell me it was just an odd thing. Here's hoping, anyway!

I'd have pictures for you today, but right now I can't seem to find my camera. Ouch. I'm sure it's around here somewhere, but the house has exploded in the last week. I normally keep a fairly tidy ship because of the daycare, but it's that pre-vacation slide where you know you're about to have a break, so you slip into vacation messy mode a day or two or seven too soon. I kind of sucks because I've made a really cool butterfly necklace and matching earrings, some gorgeous stone anklets, and an anklet with lady bugs that is too damn cute. Maybe I can stick them on the scanner... the one I couldn't get working after the computer crashed Tuesday. Maybe not.

Speaking of my new(est) addiction, jewelry making, I'm contemplating an order with Fire Mountain Gems. Over at Indie Home Ec, well, Ms. Holly adores the company. My Wednesday night craft buddy, Marianne, loves them as well. I've looked over the website and am impressed, so I think I might place a small order. A test order, if you will. If I'm pleased I'll place a bigger order for the class I'll be teaching this fall: Beading for Big Kids. Oh-in case I didn't mention-I'm now an art teacher! Kind of! I'll be teaching toddler and later children's and later still maybe some adult art/creativity classes at our local community art place. I have no qualifications except that I worked in a large and well known art museum, love art and work with kids doing art projects all the time. My friend, who runs the local art place (well, she's the program director, but she runs the place in my book) invited me to try this out. I'm as excited as I am disorganized. Two great traits that invite disaster! But I digress, Fire Mountain Gems! A new way to spend my allowance. I drool over the website, and contemplate my poverty.

I would tell you that we're going on vacation so I'll be taking a break, but I've been posting so sporadically I'm not sure you'd even notice the difference. From Tuesday through Thursday we'll be in a cabin in the woods with no phone, computer or TV, so I won't be blogging from there. The rest of the time's a crap shoot, like normal. If I don't get any posting done, I hope you have a fabulous weekend, week and 4th. Blow some shit up for me. Now, back to making anklets with the kiddies!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Ear plugs are cheap

We haven't had any pea soup explosions yet, but I'm pretty sure she's just waiting for the right moment. It was a hell of a week, culminating on Friday with a trip to the pool with 5 of the kids. One of the Moms helped out, and was so tired after we got back to the house she left her daughter with me and took a nap. We had a great time, though! The pool here has a really huge section that's shallow, and the babies were able to crawl around in the water while the toddlers ran and splashed and went down the little slide. There were water jets to play in, fish that dripped on you and it was awesome. AWESOME! Next time I'm taking 2 other adults, though. I was ready to drop Friday night.

My mother in law came to visit this weekend, and we had a really nice and relaxing time. Which was a surprise, because John can get a little tense around his family, and E was in full demon mode from exhaustion. And a fever, and something to do with her ear. She's better now, but Friday night and Saturday morning were a bit rough. Saturday afternoon we went to a local cavern/cave thing and took a tour. Historical, but not impressive viewing. The tour was poorly planned, so all the groups had to stand around underground waiting on the previous tour to move on before we could crowd into a tiny cavern and get dripped on. We're going to go to a bigger cavern soon, though. I'd forgotten how much I love those tours, even the bad ones. It made me remember why I was almost a history major. I love standing in a place where hundreds of years ago, people were just being people. Sometimes you get such a sense of peace, knowing that we have the same basic needs now that we did then: love, shelter, food, family, peace. And the need to carve our names into crap for no reason, apparently. We returned to the house and found our air-conditioning was dead. We exploded a capacitor. How cool is that! Luckliy it was a cool night and they guy came to fix it early the next day. He showed me how to inspect and maintain the system, which was really nice of him. You really should get a manual when you buy a house, there's so much stuff they don't tell you! All in all, it was a fabulous weekend, and everything worked out really well. Which is a nice change.

I've been making stuff, too. I've made anklets, bracelets, necklaces and earrings. I keep giving things away before I take pictures, but I still have a few things that I want to post tomorrow. I'm going to try to do a crafty count-down to vacation next week, so every day I want to post a picture of something I've made. You might just get a picture, it depends on how teething/naptime goes this week. Last week was really tough, what with the screaming on all sides. By the end of the day all I wanted was some wine, a heating pad for the shoulder (still acting up, stupid nerves being pinched) and to space out. I ended up making and re-making stuff with beads. I remember Holly talking about her fight with crimp-beads, but until last week I hadn't had any trouble. Those little guys can be a bitch if you mess them up! You have to do the whole thing again. Whine whine whine... On the whole, though, I'm loving this new craft. I bought a magazine on beading last week and saw an ad for Fire Mountain Gems, and laughed. Unless I get a store up soon I'm going to go broke! My first venture at selling something will be this weekend at our community festival. We'll see how it goes. By the Power of Grayskull, I WILL get that Etsy store up SOMEDAY! DAMMIT!

The only odd thing going on right now is the fact that I'm lactating. Yep, I am producing milk despite the fact that I'm not pregnant and haven't had a child. It's been a year since I stopped nursing E, so I called the OB/GYN and asked about it. I figured it was a normal albeit weird thing, but they want me to come in for blood tests. I can't find anything on the internets about this, so if you know anything, let me know! Please! My best guess is that my hormones are finally normalizing. No panic attacks this week, even with the teething and tantrums. I've been feeling pretty level headed and good. Ahhh, how nice to bea able to deal with life instead of freaking the fuck out all the time. So I'll go in and get the blood tests and just see what's up, and deal with whatever is across that bridge when I get there.

And now, dinner! John has prepared and Indian feast, and my tummy is growling. Have a lovely evening!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Waiting for the pea soup

This morning when I woke there was a small, cute little red head standing next to my bed. I had .5 seconds to bask in love for her before she opened her mouth and I realized a demon had stolen our child during the night and replaced her with this contrary, screaming, tantruming little beast who does the opposite of every request.

There was the "getting dressed" fiasco, the "put my socks on/why did you put my socks on" meltdown, the "I don't want to walk" phase and we ended with the "I will not sit down to eat/I am so hungry I want breakfast/I will not sit down to eat, etc" spiral directly into hell.

At one point I looked at the clock, realized it was 7:40 and the best I had to look forward to was two teething infants and two toddlers that could go either way in the behavior department.

I drank coffee. (It's true! John bought my this nifty little filter holder that sits right on your coffee cup and holds the filter and the coffee grounds. Genius!) Right now I am in the midst of the nap time wars. She keeps waking everyone up, so she ended up in her room upstairs. And every few minutes I go up like a mute robot and put her back in bed. She needs a nap. I need a shot of vodka.

In wonderful, craft related news, my friend Marianne is coming over tonight to have some craft time! She's bringing citric acid so that I can try my hand at bath bombs, and I'm going to show her my sewing room/studio and we'll probably do some beading. If she gets here early enough I'd like to take her to the bead store, and maybe to the hobby shop to pick up some dice for
a geek centric craft I've been thinking about. We're also thinking about starting a line of merchandise that focuses on non-Judeo-Christian religions, so that should be fun. John might escape the house after the E goes to bed-he's had a pretty crappy day, too. I think that the 9 days until vacation are going to be great no matter what, because we have vacation to look forward to. Time to go mute robot again.

OH! and Friday is the solstice! Don't forget to celebrate (if you do)!

Sunday, June 15, 2008


Actually, it was not too bad. But we need this freaking vacation, and we need it badly. We tried to stain the fence, but going was slow. E has had a fever of 101.5. She's been doing great with Ibuprofen, but the funk is making her very crabby and combative from time to time, too. I've pinched a nerve in my shoulder from holding her all day yesterday when I wasn't putting paint on. Plus, it went really, really slowly. We thought we'd finish the fence this weekend, but we haven't even finished a quarter of it yet. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I also get chronic shingles. It's the same virus as Chicken Pox, but instead of one or two bumps together all over your body, this is all the bumps in one big spot on your body. It hurts. It itches, and it's caused by stress. Like excessive worry, being generally run down and, well, stress. So Father's day was nice, but not really as relaxing as I'd hoped it would be.

We did, however, find out that our daughter is a gorilla. She refers to herself as "this gorilla." Awesome. And apparently "Daddy gorilla doesn't understand." Poor Daddy. He did gets lots of sleepy cuddles today, so I think that made up for it.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Craft night

Last night I went over to a friend's house for a craft night we've been planning since February. It was awesome, and not just because I'd spent the day with two teething infants, two testing toddlers and two mildly indifferent toddlers. It was great to talk to someone while lazily working on a stuffed elephant for my girl. It was great to have a cherry coke, sit in a comfortable silence and pet a beautiful gray kitty. Most of all, it was great to feel a little creative again. That elephant is going to rock.

John made me take my xanax with me, but I didn't need it. I don't see the psychiatrist again until June 30, so I'm riding out the panic wave for the moment. Knock on wood, but I think it's going to be OK. If things deteriorate I'm calling her and getting there, even if I have to close the damn daycare again. Speaking of the daycare, I've figured out two things:
  1. Two infants teething is probably what gave me the most recent panic attacks.
  2. I'm not taking infants after this. I want to have another one of my own, but I think I've had enough of someone else's. I love these kids, but all day every day is burning me out, fast.
And what a lovely way to transition into my next topic: trying for another Wee of my own. John's been asking about trying again, and I'm not sure. Actually, I'm crapping-my-pants terrified. I loved being pregnant with my girl, and I love her more than anything. I just don't know if I have the reserves to go through another loss. On the other hand, I would like to give the girl a sibling, so she can stop pretending the baby boys are her brothers. For the moment I'm falling in to the "see what happens" camp. I'm building up my folic acid (after a baby with a neural tube defect you have to take mega-doses of folic acid. I'm taking 400% more than normal pregnant women, let alone non-pregnant ones. I have to do this for at least two months before I get preggers, just to be safe.) and I'm cutting down on drinking. I've started eating better again, and with yoga and summer, I'm getting lots of exercise. As scared as I am about miscarriage and defects and the like, I'm longing for another little one of my own just as much.

Well, "Sir I Take Two Months To Push A Tooth Through" is up. Gotta run!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Back to the lab again

Our fence is up, and it's beautiful. We have outside toys for the kids, lots of nature around, and I started my yoga class last night.

I also had my first panic attack in about a month.

I know it shouldn't seem like a big deal after all the ones I had before, but was hard to enjoy yoga, let alone to relax, while my wires were crossed all wrong and I was freaking out. I came home and wept on John. Then the xanax kicked in and it was all better. I'm having an aftershock right now and waiting for the xanax to kick in. Let me be clear here: I hate this. This one isn't as bad as the one last night, but it really stinks to be human for awhile and then become a monster on the inside. To be so completely out of control of your emotions and reactions that you shake and cry and hyperventilate, and even thought you know it's all going to be OK, you know that the feeling will pass, you still can't stop yourself from wigging out.

The worst is when I need a life-line. think of it like you're drowning, and instead of someone throwing a life-preserver to you, you throw it to them. The problem is that the person needs to know it's a life preserver and not a joke, of a round candy treat of fruity flavor. I once called my Mom, who replied with a comment about how she didn't know why I was freaking out, she was the one who could only find neon-green shorts for her upcoming trip. Now my Mom rocks on billions of levels-she was actually and honestly trying to help. She was trying to make me laugh. But when it feels like anything, ANYTHING would be better than feeling this way, I can't laugh. I can't "Shrug it off" or "cowboy up" or any other handy saying. If I were a rabbit I would run until my heart exploded. That's the feeling. Trying to meditate at the beginning of class was more like an excercise in not letting the people around me muttering "It's going to be OK." Class nut? RIGHT HERE! Luckily my yoga instructor is an awesome lady that has known me for a few years, and her son has this problem, too. She got my through the class and gave me enough reserve to get home and get to John. He was all I wanted, just to have him hold me. He's the best at grabbing that life preserver for me. He and Becky, who thankfully picked up the phone when I was on my way to class. She's the other one that understands, who catches hold and pulls me in. With a little help from my friends and all that...

In craft, the kids and I have been making bracelets from grab-bag beads I bought the other day. It's been a blast! They love it, I love it, it helps fine motor skills, etc.

Whoops, dinner is ready. Xanax kicked in mostly, too. Thanks for listening, guys.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, or, the most random post ever

Well, ships anyway. I'm reading Moby Dick, and it either crawls slowly and kills me to read or it flies by and is awesome. It has literally NEVER taken me this long to read a book. I finished King's "It" in under four days. This book is a quest. I have found a new love for whales, though.

Let's see, I threw my favorite bracelet directly into a patch of poison ivy this morning while trying to throw out a banana that had fallen. It's still there, in the woods by the playground. I will have to go get it after the kids leave, and when I am wearing pants. I do not want poison ivy. Also: I need to tighten the elastic on the bracelet. The beads are made of the wood of the Bodhi tree and came from Tibet, or was made in India by a Tibetan. I don't remember. But I'm very sad that right now my reminder of compassion is possibly being coveted by squirrels. Or the groundhog. Did I mention that I am now actively competing with a groundhog for food? Yep. Me and the groundhog, battle royal. It is the level of excitement I am comfortable with. Obviously, sky diving is right out.

But! There is more excitement, and I am trying not to quiver. Our fence posts were set in concrete today, which means that as long as it doesn't rain, out fence will go up on Saturday. (It's going to rain lots, so the fence will be finished in July.) As happy as I am about the fence, I am going to miss seeing Henry and Harriet, the two wild bunnies, in our backyard. I am so sad, in fact, that I have been making noise to family about getting another bunny. A dwarf like we used to have, before he died of old age last year. Family has been mildly supportive, but not really enthusiastic. I know my girl would be on my side, but I don't want to mention getting a bunny unless we are really going to get one. Life is full of too many heartbreaks already. I don't want to add to the tally.

I haven't been sewing at all lately. I don't know if it's because I want to be outside, or if it's the Lexapro making me tired and unenthusiastic, but I can't seem to get into the sewing groove. So sad.

Now let's jump to Bill Murray. I'm very torn right now, because I adore Bill. I love his acting, I love his humor. I don't care about his infidelity, because that's between him and his soon-to-be-ex wife. But I'm very much against violence, and hitting your husband/wife/partner is not something I think should happen. I don't know if the allegations are true or not, but they make me sad. As do so many things I hear and can do nothing about. Burma, for instance. I refuse to call it by the name the junta gave it. I can not believe that people can be so detached, so cruel. I can't believe a government would turn away aid so badly needed. I can't believe no one is doing anything about it. Things like this make me feel very small, and very lucky to live the way I do. And all the poor families in China, dealing with the loss of parents and children and life in general. Man, I am a downer today. Sorry! But if I don't acknowledge the suffering of others, I can not start to figure out how to help. And I'd be a horrible person. So there-we're done with modern horrors for now.

Finally: Honey jager. My god, the awesomeness that is honey liquor. Ahhhhh

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Hell. It might be freezing.

Check me out: Posts two days in a row! And the jewelry pictures, finally. And first up, we have a lovely Buddha. I keep waiting for another one to come in so I can make Becky a bracelet, but alas, this is the only one I've ever seen.

I made this necklace for my birthday, and while I love the tiger eye and the clasp, I'm not thrilled with the metal wire look. I'm also not sure what else to do, so for now it stays.

I love these beads, but every time I tried to make something with them it looked like the 70's threw up. I've found some green tear drop shaped stones that did the trick, but the anklet I made didn't make it to this photo shoot, so that will be in the next batch.

Here's a really cool moth from our front porch. I love his design!

The girl in her new pool. She spent so long in the pool that day her legs went numb. But look at that smile!

This is what happens when she picks out her own outfit.

My favorite of everything I've made so far. It's for my doctor. She rocks.

This was a Mother's day present for my Mom, but it was too big. I'm making it smaller for her. First thing I ever made, too!

Rainy days make kids insane, in case you didn't know that. I need to take them for a walk while the walking is good.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


So that fence I was so excited about? The guy who came to dig the post holes drilled right the hell where they marked the phone line. Phone and internet gone, mid-sentence. They are back now, but that sucked on toast.
Alone, with 6 children under the ago of four and desperate for a complex sentence, I resorted to laundry and crafts. Crafts were difficult, because I ripped half my fingernail back doing laundry.

That hurts like a mother, let me tell you. Apparently bleeds like one, too. And I am a mother. I know how much that is.

Pictures tomorrow-computer is loading too slow again, and it's wine and When They Cry time. Plus, my fucking finger hurts like hell.