Monday, July 28, 2008

Sorry for the spelling errors and sentimental gushing

I'm all goofy from the drugs. The biopsy today went well! Dude took out 2 masses from my left breast. Both appear benign, but we'll know for sure by the end of the week. Dude also said the masses were deeper and larger than he expected. I made him show me what he removed in a drug induced bought of bravery. I am extremely squeamish about some things, for example I always had a hard time disbudding the kids on the goat farm. Neutering was right out. But this was different-this was something out of me that I wanted to see. If it had been (or is) cancerous, I wanted to see what it looked like.

I think I also kept asking the Doc how he was doing, and if he was having a good day. During the surgery. Mostly I dozed, though, and talked John into getting me Oreos, potato chips and wine on the way home when we stopped to get my prescriptions. I'm snookered on all of the above right now, because a glass of wine carries a lot of bang after a day like today.

Well, this was more of a entry for myself, I guess. Since last October my body, hormones, family, husband and emotional state have felt like a roller coaster. Today feels like that last little bit of a hard race or hike or swim. You know you can do this thing, you know you are almost finished, and then you will be able to rest. The hardest part is about to be over. That is exactly how today feels to me. I have started a shop with my best friend, who is smart and wonderful and all the mushy stuff I could say would make you puke. But! We are still friends after 10 years, I still love her for exactly who she is, and I still think she's weird. And funny. This business in one form or another has been a dream of ours since we were in college. I'm inspired and motivated again. I probably don't have cancer, and if I do, they probably got it out today. I'm not crazy, or having panic attacks. The kids are doing well, my little girl is growing up and becoming more hilarious and magical each day, and my best friend is my husband and he knows when to say "I love you" and "I'm sorry" and when to make me laugh.

If I keep going I'll be wearing a lampshade on my head and telling you why you're such a great guy. So I'm going to work on our shop preview entry and celebrate the fact that things are going well. I'm also going to ignore the phone...

No comments: