Friday, February 27, 2009

On my own again...

I finally did it! I got John the hell out of the house for an overnight trip for FUN! He's down at his friend's house now, over an hour away, and I am about to clean up the kitchen and fold laundry. Ordinarily I'd be getting drunk and pulling pranks on my neighbors by moving their lawn ornaments around, but there's the whole pregnant/parent/day care owners shouldn't get arrested thing now.

E and I had a great night, too. We decorated a candle with beeswax strips and little wax cutters, then burned it as a dinner candle. We read books, tried and failed to build a house of cards, did a puzzle and ate a PB & J dinner. After watching "Peanut butter jelly time!" of course. Then we read Beatrix Potter stories and she went to bed while I changed the sheets on my bed and got ready to do laundry by cleaning my room. I lead an exciting life, people. Tomorrow E and I are going out to buy a new washer. WATCH OUT!

After having the stomach flu and getting a UTI last week, I am now the proud owner of what seems to be a head/chest cold. I have that horrible ears/inner throat itch, my throat is sore and I'm drippy. Luckily the pregnant can take Sudafed. Otherwise today, which included 3 teething kids, one of whom is failing miserably at potty training and behavior in general, and 3 (FREAKING THREE) accidents for E, I'd be dead. It turns out one of the kids was getting less ibuprofen than he should have, has mass amounts of fluid in his ears and probably has the same cold I do. Poor dude. Needs to quit screaming. I thought I was going to lose my mind for the last 4 hours he was here.

Tomorrow's activities include the washer purchase, a "fancy" lunch at Olive Garden (WHY is this her eatery of choice? There's Indian food just down the street!) and then, major of majors, her best friend is sleeping over. We're taking them Ice skating tomorrow night to wear them the hell out. John will be back by then, because there is no way my pregnant ass, or more precisely, my pregnant back, can handle bending over that much for that ling on a slippery surface. If John had decided to stay away the whole weekend it would have been a symphony, a movie or the zoo. But he needs to study for finals, so I get help. YAY!

And a last note, since finals are next week for John, I am taking E with me to go look at wedding dresses for my sister. E's the flower girl, so she's going to need a dress, too. Yesterday we were looking at a natural toy catalog and she spotted little dolls dressed like flowers.
"FLOWER GIRLS!" she screamed.
I'm not sure her epectations of what being a flower girl is are entirely realistic.

Good weekend all!

Thursday, February 26, 2009


So, I managed not to actually alienate my friends, John's super cool microphone came in the mail today, and I've ordered the stuff I need to figure out those pesky self-employed taxes.

Yesterday I got the stuff sent in for pre-school for E; we'll know Friday if she made it or is on the waiting list. I've remembered to take my antibiotics for the most part, I'm sewing again and so far I've remembered to put on all my clothes in the morning.

In short, I feel like I'm finally getting myself back together.

Pregnancy brain is insidious. It makes you forget everything, and you can feel it happening. Lately I've slowly started to feel my brain reconnecting; those neural paths that were shaken are coming back together nicely. It's a nice change!

E has been a super helper today! So I'm going to go read her a story, talk to you soon!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I'm a pro

I may have managed to alienate 2 friends in one day by being honest when I thought they asked me to. It's a skill.


My husband has an agent

I've mentioned John used to be in Radio. He was a DJ, but he had the most fun creating, producing, recording and editing spots. There's a lot he misses about radio, but I think that particular creative outlet is what he misses the most. Plus, he can do a lot of funny and entertaining voices. (The trick is to be funny AND entertaining. Not annoying.) So when he finally ripped another copy of his demo CD and sent it to a talent agency, I was excited for him. And nervous as hell.

What if he wasn't good enough? I know a lot about V/O stuff, and radio, advertising blah blah blah, but I know very little about talent agency crap.

The good news is that he had an interview and then orientation yesterday! He has his very own Talent AGENT! Other people use her too, but you know what I mean. His stuff should be up on their website today, they have a good rep and a good stable, and the money situation is just as it should be. John bought a good mike for his impending studio last night, and we're going to look at computers this weekend so that he can get his home studio set up. This is not the dream studio, just something that will work until. Hopefully there will be an until!

I'm proud of my dude. And also: I am sick of winter.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

UTI and jumping on the wagon

I ended up going to the Urgent Care Friday night. I have a U.T.I., it took them all of 30 seconds to confirm it. I want to call all my doctors and scream "I fucking told you so!" Bastards. John brought me cranberry juice, which I've been sucking down in mass amounts. I'm just starting to feel like I don't have to pee all the time. I've also been sleeping a ton, which makes me think the UTI was ready for a fight by the time the antibiotics got to the party. I say again: Bastards!

So, I thought about doing this when Sundry did it, but by the time it got to Indie Home Ec I had no choice. So here, the thing I never do, a meme:

What are your middle names?
Irene and William.

How long have you been together?
Eight and a half years as a couple.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met when I was 13 and he was 14. So, 10 years? I hate Math.

Who asked whom out?
He asked me out for ten years. Until he was about to give up and I surprised him by telling him we had, in fact, just been on a date.

How old are each of you?
I'm 30, he is 32 today.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Crap shoot. It's about equal, he has 4 and mine lives only a couple hours away, so we see my sister and some of his siblings fairly often.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
We differ in "semantics" which means we argue a lot while saying the same thing. Also, we are both stubborn, stubborn people and one of us suggesting that the other do something differently usually results in one of our heads exploding.

Did you go to the same school?
Briefly, in high school. 2 years. Just enough to date, not like it, then change our minds and start dating again right when I found out I had to move, again. He went to college less than 20 minutes from where I moved to, and still swears he didn't know. The rest of the world know different.

Are you from the same home town?
No. I moved all over. He's from Western PA.

Who is smarter?
I'd say him, he says me. It depends on whether you want to use power tools (ask me) or know how to get somewhere (ask him.) We complement each other this way until it makes others ill.

Who is the most sensitive?
I cry more, he broods. So me, I think. His head is a vault.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
A south Indian place that is the best place ever. They've known E since she was born, and ask after her if we go without her. Best. Food. Ever.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Mexico. We don't go far.

Who has the craziest exes?
Me. He only has a couple, and I dated assholes.

Who has the worst temper?
I have a short fuse, but John's is legendary once it finally gets going. So...

Who does the cooking?
John cooks 98% of our meals. I cook breakfast, lunch and two snacks for the daycare kids every day.

Who is the neat-freak?
Does not apply. I get sick of clutter and mess faster, but we are not neat people. Holly Lynne's pantry is my fantasy.

Who is more stubborn?
I'd say John. Because when I asked him he refused to answer and danced away.

Who hogs the bed?
I hog the bed. He takes the covers and pushes them off the end.

Who wakes up earlier?
John, by far. I'd sleep all day if not roused by my husband and child.

Where was your first date?
Some little Italian place, Vesuvio's we think, just before going to see Jurrasic Park. One of us got a sliced black olive stuck to our forehead during the food fight.

Who is more jealous?
I guess I am, because I've birthed a child and am preggers with another. When John worked in Radio drunk skinny chicks would offer nefarious things for free T-shirts, and it only bothered me once or twice. Usually when John and I were fighting anyway. But we trust each other, and there's a lot of love, so it's never really been an issue.

How long did it take to get serious?
10+ years, but once I agreed to date him I knew we'd be getting married.

Who eats more?
Me. Pregnant. No willpower.

Who does the laundry?
Me. He's on school and helps when he can.

Who’s better with the computer?
HIM. I'm more the "what does this button do?" ilk.

Who drives when you are together?
Him. Like a Grandma, but he's getting better!

Friday, February 20, 2009

The stats

# of weeks pregnant: 21
# of stomach flues during that time: 3
# of foods I know will never eat again: 14

And I woke up this morning with what appears to be a bladder infection that I can't do anything about until tomorrow when I get an emergency appt with the doc. Hooray for fucking me today. Wait, that didn't come out right.

On the bright side, I still feel baby kicking around in there, so all is good.

Funny story about stomach flu:

Wednesday I thought perhaps I was still being affected by some smells. Every time I caught a whiff of vanilla soy yogurt I would barf. I figured it was no biggie, so after the kids were gone I ate a little spaghetti and went to my cognitive behavioral therapist session. My first one. By the time I got there I wasn't sure if I was going to barf or pee my pants. In fact, had I not had to pee so badly I probably would have barfed in the bushes out front, because there was no bathroom. It was after hours and the door to the therapist's area was locked until they were ready for me, so I had to pace until someone opened the door. I darted in screaming "BATHROOM!" and believe me, I used the hell out of that facility. Still being to daft to realize I was actually sick, I went ahead with my appointment. By the time the hour was over I had puked another 3 times. By then I had a clue that maybe I was ill. My dude was really nice and took it all in stride, and it seems like he'll be able to help me out quite a bit. Which is great.

Another great thing? John was a fantastic nurse this time. He checked on me, was nice, stayed home from work yesterday and even offered to stay home today! I slept almost all day yesterday, and was in bed last night before 8. And I slept all night. Aside from the bladder infection, I fell great today! Well, there's the anxiety about telling one of the parents that her kid scratched mine. Let it go let it go let it go....

I think tonight will be an early night. Tomorrow I have a class to teach, an emergency appointment to pee in a cup, and lots of crap I'm forgetting. I also need to get stuff ready for John's birthday, which is Sunday. He doesn't like big to-do's, which is good this year since I'm freaking last minute. Plus, he's a hard dude to shop for.

Man, I'm beat. Hope you have a great weekend, and I'll see you on the flip side.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Happy blarg!

At the end of the day I often need 5 to 10 minutes alone. I don't mean by myself, I mean just not being asked for something every 10 seconds. Left alone. I can be near my family, I just don't want them to talk to me. I still love them, but after 10 hours of constant demands, I need to have none. I think 5 to 10 minutes is fair. This, friends, is my time tonight.

Last night I went out with a friend to JoAnn's. Simplicity patterns were on sale for $1. I bought 7? Around that. 2 layette set patterns, some dresses and outfits for E, a bonnet pattern and a stuffed animal thing with 3 patterns. I'm excited to get sewing! I'm also making a doll for E to bring home from the hospital (as I may have mentioned) and I'm making E, the doll and the baby co-coordinating outfits. Right now I'm deciding what to make first, outfits for E and baby or doll. Don't know yet.

I also need to get started knitting that baby blanket.

I have great news: I have a new client! The 8 month old I interviewed yesterday...well, I interviewed her parents. She sat around being cute. Anyway, they have decided to start with me in March, and while it's starting out as part time, it has the potential to go full time. Plus, laid back family. I can tell because how the interview went. 1) Danger boy did a face plant out of a high chair. 2) E had 2 temper tantrums while they were here. At one point the Mom said to the Dad: "See what we're in for?" Great. 3) 4 year old decided to test me while they were here by doing the opposite of what I said or ignoring me. At one point she started a tug-o-war with E over a toy they wanted to give the baby. 4) I have pregnant brain. After the deal was over and the family had left, no one napped and my kid managed to somehow poop all over the toilet seat. But the family was nice!

Hopefully this will work out, because I really liked those three.

We still can't pick a name. I'm starting a list. Dinner time!

Monday, February 16, 2009

The only time I'm not all about narcotics

It turns out that Excedrin Migraine isn't so safe for pregnancy after 24 to 26 weeks or so. The new OB said it can cause a disruption of blood flow between the placenta and baby. a mild narcotic is safer.

Let's go over this again...a narcotic is safer. WTF? So now I have a massive headache and I'm afraid to take the pill because it's a narcotic. If it knocks me the hell out, how is it safer for the baby? This is where the trust comes in. This woman seems to know what she's doing when it comes to medicine, so when she says it is better to take this other thing, this thing that can be addictive and make me loopy, it's safer than the OTC stuff, I have to trust her.

Now, normally I'm all about the drugs. I haven't met a painkiller that wasn't my friend. Maybe it's the fibromyalgia, or the fact that I just like the good stuff, but non-pregnant and nursing I'm all about better living through chemistry. I have to be, given the depression and anxiety disorder. But I am fairly crunchy in the hippie sense when it comes to being knocked up. So I have a headache and I'm not taking the pill for it until I feel like dying. Stupid hazards.

One of the reasons I'm so careful about what I take now is the posibility of addiction. I don't want to harm my child, and even more, I don't want my kid to see me struggle with those monsters. John and I have watched several people we care about fight their demons with drugs and alcohol, and that's not what I want for my kids. I like to drink, I like to be pain free and I like being rational. I don't think those things have to be exclusive of each other. But I'm also terrified that one day I will suddenly spiral out of control and just get addicted to something, like I did with cigarettes. One day, no biggie. The next day: smoke or kill. It took John and I six months of constant fighting to finally be free of that crazy slippery slope feeling, and I still wish I could smoke. But I won't. Not even one, because I know how hard it was to stop. How out of control I felt, and how emotionally wraught I was. That fear is compounded when there is a Wee Leetle Baby inside me. I'm afraid to risk too much, and the word "narcotic" has a lot of connotations. Can I be responsible? Sure. I am all the time. But there's still that little voice, warning me that any addictive substance could be the one...and do I really want that? Hell no.

I read a story not long ago about a woman working in a prison. She was a recovering drug addict, and had smoked Meth while pregnant. It was horrible. As a parent you are always second guessing yourself, and wondering how you could do a better job. That story spooked me to no end, because the character talked about how she knew she was doing something horrible and couldn't stop. Perhaps it's not so much my particular situation that worries me so much, but the fact that the situation in the story can and does happen. More often that any of us would like. Watching someone destroy their own life is hard. Knowing that it could happen to anyone, that addiction is blind and merciless, that's the scary part. An addict has fucked up. Big Time. But it's also not their fault, entirely. Woe, and misery. Fortunatly it won't happen to most of us. It's a sick lottery, though.

Well, that's my fuzzy bunny thought pile for today. Later we can talk about AIDS or abortion, kay?

Friday, February 13, 2009

Wait for it...

It turns out this doctor doesn't do ultrasounds every visit. Or at all, unless they think it's "medically necessary." But we talked our way into one, and we now have some very pretty pictures of baby's
  • profile
  • umbilical cord
  • face
  • tummy
  • foot
  • labia
Yep, labia. It's even labeled on the picture. It's a girl! Mostly, the new OB wouldn't say to count on it. But it's a pretty clear picture! I'm going to try to scan what we have in once E is finished with her Mickey Mouse game. (Up yours, Disney, for making a game that has no volume control and an apparent minimum - ear bleed - setting.) She wanted a brother, so she's a bit irritated with us for producing a sister creature. We told her it wasn't our choice...the baby decided to be a girl just like her. That went a long way towards making things better.

Holy crap I'm worn out after today. More later, and make sure you cash in all your bets!

Appointment is at 2:30 EST today!

You know, I had a bunch to write about, but now it's all gone from my head.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

20 weeks

Hot damn, I'm officially halfway there!

For the past week my back has been threatening to give out, and it aches. But aside from that, I'm feeling great. I have more energy, food tastes good for the most part, and I'm starting to feel that sense of calm.

Except for the baby name thing, and some of the dreams I'm having. Still a little worked up over those.

I'm still having headaches every few days, but I've finally come to my senses and stopped waiting to see if the migraine will go away on its own. No ma'am. I take my Excedrin now as soon as I notice. Otherwise I'm in for hours of pain and nausea while dealing with a toddler. Not smart. The nose bleeds have also slowed down, after culminating in a double gusher a few days ago that had parents and kids alike asking me if I needed help. Since then I've been able to blow my nose without fear and a dozen tissues in the morning, which has been wonderful.

The baby is kicking up a storm now. Last night while finishing up E's new book bag I felt something so strong I thought dinner was staging a revolution. Nope, baby did a backflip or something. The big clue was the following five minutes of thumps. I guess it was exercise time!

Depending on which website you visit, baby is the size of:
  • A can of Red Bull (What I would give...not until I'm done nursing, though. 1.5 years + 20 weeks give or take...)
  • Small cantaloupe
I remember more food comparisons last time, but perhaps in the past three to four years that has fallen out of vogue. Let's see, I'm not worried about stretch marks because I still look like someone threw spaghetti at my stomach. They never really went away, they just were less red for a while. I'm breaking out like a champ, still. I'm not getting the same sexy dream quota as last time, but I'm also not dreaming about every jerk I ever dated. It works out.

I'm nervous about tomorrow, because I'm desperate to know if baby is a boy or girl. I hope the little one cooperates! The great name debate goes on and on and on. I'm also waiting to find out if we need a new wardrobe for this one, or if we can re-use the small mountain of pink we've held onto just in case. Also, WTF do I do if we're having a boy? THEY ARE INSANE. I know I'll feel differently about a product of my own body, but damn. The two I watch right now are about to have me in fits. What will I do with another?! E would be pleased, though. All her friends have brothers.

John's off taking his midterm for Algebra II, A Graphing Approach. E is at her Grandma's. I'm going to go take a bath and shave my legs. It won't be long before that's a real challenge!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Nap time is the new black

I finally got the kids down for nap today, and then proceeded to order three books on Buddhist parenting skillz. Yes, I used a z on the end of that word. You may throw up now.

I need some help, frankly. I'm not the Mom or caregiver I want to be during the day anymore, and that makes me impossibly sad. It's also frustrating, because I opened this day care for some very specific reasons, most of which involved making a wonderful and peaceful place for children. I've been through a lot over the last couple of years, and I have accidentally gotten farther from those goals than I realized. So I'm coming back to myself, and calming the hell down. With the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy starting next week for anxiety and dealing with frustration and anger, plus the books I'm currently reading and the ones coming, I'm optimistic. Plus, that second trimester mojo is starting to work.

I've been sewing a lot more lately; two roll ups, two book bags and some general repairs to clothing. The first pics I took of the knitting needle rolls were blurry, and I've been lazy since then. Once again, that's why I started a craft blog: to make cool shit I never show you. *taunt*

Dinner is ready, and then E and I are making Valentines for her friends. Hooray!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I am eating tiny frozen Heath bars.

I just finished 2 cheese and tomato sandwiches, and needed some sugar because I am ready to throw a certain 18 month old into a FedEx box and ship him anywhere but here. True story: his parents were going to have more kids until they got to know him. They are finished.

It's not that this kid isn't sweet and wonderful, he is. He is also the most stubborn and persistent child that doesn't sleep, ever. He also likes to climb and jump and he laughs when he runs face first into walls. He has already given himself a concussion, and his mom has asked the doctor about helmets because we both thought he might be giving himself brain damage with all his high jinx. He also loves to ice skate. But that's beside the point. The point is: if I didn't love his mother so very much I would have kicked him out of here ages ago. He doesn't talk, he screams, he whines, he has a shit explosion nearly every week and sometimes more than that, and if he isn't one of the cutest kids ever I'm a monkey. But it's mighty fucking frustrating, cute or no.'re you? Aside from toddler of doom, I'm good! The thought of flour made me throw up two days ago, and it's been uphill from there. I see the doc Friday. I am nervous. Come on, baby, cooperate! Show us your bits! John and I have been debating names in our spare time. Names that are out: Madeline - too popular. Indira - John says too exotic. Winnifred - hell no says me. We're not having a ton of luck with boy names. John likes a few, and I'm not really crazy about any of them. Whether or not it's an issue is yet to be seen.

Well, all kids are awake, thank you problem child. On the bright side we're in the January thaw, so it's nice outside. In the 50's! And we're going to bake some bread, and work on our scarecrow. It'll be a nice afternoon...

Saturday, February 7, 2009

pregnant brain and great freaking news

I apparently told everyone the wrong day for finding out the baby's gender. I'll find out on the 13, so next Friday. Sorry about that! Have I ever told you the story about when I was pregnant with E and I got into the car to go to work and found I didn't have any pants on? It was hilarious. Pregnant Brain is real, and horrible.

I received two wonderful pieces of news today!

News the first: My sister is engaged! Her boyfriend, er, fiance', asked her this morning. Her ring has tanzanite. They met in geology class, and this has been her favorite stone since, so it's perfect. And her fiance' is awesome. I am so damn happy for my little sister! It's going to be extra fun, because E is going to be a flower girl and I'm going to be a MATRON OF HONOR. It just seems like it needs caps. I sound like a tank: "MATRON OF HONOR." Too freaking cool.

News the second: My cousin has finally broken up with the white trash motherfucker who proposed while he was in Iraq then proceeded to get at least two other women pregnant just before and after returning to the States but not "home." He only came "home" when one of the women came after his ass for child support. I do not like this (I wrote man, but he's not) asshole, and I am thrilled my cousin has come to her senses. She thinks it was hormones keeping her with him, because she was pregnant and/or nursing until a month ago. She said as soon as the baby weaned itself she realized what an ass this guy was. Hooray!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

This is me dragging my brain along on a string

I'm so tired....must stay up long enough to wash the purple dye out of my hair...

Let's see, I found out today that other pregnant mom has hired a nanny for her kids. The one she has now and impending one. "For less than you!" Yep, slightly less than me for two days a week instead of 5. I'm happy she's found someone, and I hope socialization goes well with her kids in the future. (I'm sure it will. They're nice people.) The good news is that I now know what's going on and what to expect. And the kid who is taking her sweet time potty training will be at home to finish that up. Now I just need to find one full time kid to take her place, and we're golden. I might have an answer to that, too. Just need to interview the family and see if they are willing to pay to keep their spot...Not sure how I'm going to present that, either. Brain's too tired to work on it now.

Other things I found out: one of the kids is probably allergic to Burt's Bees hand salve. Her mom called asking about the tops of her hands, and that would be where I put the salve when she asked for some. E's hands are chapped and she was getting salved, so her best buddy wanted some, too. I'm so glad it was this family. They are my "good" family; they understand kids. Kids get bumps, kids have tantrums, kids are wonderful and crazy and take time and calm. Ahhh. I love that family. I love the other families, too, but this one is the best. So, if I had to give someone a minor but not painful or itchy skin irritation, I'm glad it was this child. And I'm really glad it's just redness! Poor kiddo.

Newsweek can blow me: there's an article in this week's magazine on stillbirth. Fuckers. I barely started reading when I started bawling. Again: fuckers. They are not allowed to print that crap while I am gestating. Did they not read the memo? Damn.

I'm hungry. Again. My appetite is starting to pick up, which is good. And now it's time to wash the purple out of my hair, which is also good, because it means I can go to sleep soon, too. After I eat something.

This post was written to waste time. Apologies!

Monday, February 2, 2009

New OB

She's not warm and fuzzy, but she listened and was very thorough. And even though it was only an interview, she let me hear the baby's heartbeat.

I cried after I signed the final papers transferring my medical records. Change is hard for me, even though I decided to do this. Even though I needed to do this. I am wimp, hear me second guess my every move. The only change I am nearly comfy with is when I decide to move furniture. And even then...

The office was great, the nurses were great, the wait was less than 10 minutes instead of an hour, they call you if the doc has to go deliver a baby, and I got more info out of this woman in 20 minutes than I have from old dude in the last 5 visits. I am still nervous about this, but I think it's the right move. Again, I am wimp.

Gender should be known next Friday after 3 pm EST. All bets should be handmade or food. Let me know who wins in your house!


This month. Oh, this month.
John's birthday is the 22nd, which is the only good thing about this month in my book.

At least it's short?

John is still floating around after having several cardiac events during the Super Bowl. He's happy the Steelers won, obviously. What a game! And I don't watch sports!

We had a lovely weekend, and things are bright and cheery in my land today. Hooray! We're baking bread and playing Snow White. I go to see the hopefully new OB today, and I'm optimistic. Laundry still needs to be done, but I don't feel crushed by that thought. I'm going out tonight to get some sewing supplies I'm out of (bias tape, I'm looking at you...) and some other sundries. I can't decide what I want for dinner. Good problem to have. I want to visit Toys R Us for a few day care toys and the maternity store for a shirt or two. I've discovered that a lot of my maternity shirts were also used as nursing shirts and have breast milk stains in the obvious places. The shirts now practically scream "Look at my boobs!" We'll see how that goes, and how much time I have after Goodwill. I'm dropping off all the clothes I no longer wear and looking for some 11 x 10 picture frames. And that's pretty much my plan for tonight.

Happy Groundhog Day!