Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I'll just slip out sideways

"Seeing you like this
without warning
Is like catching a sniff of Tequila in the morning
But I'll try, try to keep my food down
It's quite an aftertaste you left
Now that you're not around."
-Crash Test Dummies (I'll Think I'll Disappear Now)

First, yes, I like the Crash Test Dummies. Second, this song has reminded me of running into an ex. Which I did on Sunday. This is no little ex, either. This was the guy I dated for four years during and after high school. The guy that proposed twice. The one who made me immune to crying guys and wary of liars. Also, the one who liked to wait until I was asleep and do things. To me. In uncomfortable places. I slept very lightly for a long time after finding out why I had all that pain and bleeding, and it wasn't colon cancer. In short, this guy was a colossal ass.

I had just dropped E off at my Moms for the night, and a friend and I were grabbing some chips for the kick-ass vegan queso John made. I was telling her how I used to be afraid to shop/visit this town, because I didn't want to see people I'd never had anything in common with, or that asshole. I then told her a story about me ducking down under the steering wheel at a stoplight as that asshole drove by, while on the phone to Beck, who was chastising me for still being afraid of that asshole. Etc etc etc. Guess who then walked right by friend and I? Yep, said asshole. Whose face was red, with veins sticking out of his neck and forehead. Obviously he had heard. I yelled something about "speak of the devil" and "It's (insert his name here)!" Then I grabbed my friend and got the fuck out of dodge as quickly as possible.

On one hand, it looks like I may have made the guy's day take a turn for the worse. Karmically, not a great move on my part. On the other hand, as John pointed out, this might be his karma coming back to get him. I am not the only person he has been an ass to. I would have prefered a more dignified exchange, or at least to have yelled "I'm six months pregnant!" at the end, barring dignity.

It was nice to come home to my husband, and to know that I can trust him, that he understands love as a two way street, a partnership. This is the man that thought I was worth pursuing for ten years, that I am proud to be with, to bear his children. This man has never cheated on me, listens to me and values my opinion, and finds me to be an intelligent person. I feel the same way about him. I could go on. But after thinking about how lucky I am, I just end up feeling sorry for the ex I ran into. Whether I want to or not, I still hear a few things through the proverbial grape vine, and he still does the same stuff he did to me in his new relationships. He is a disingenous, saccrine person, and has sabatoged every chance at happiness he has had. Even his parents speak poorly about him now. It must be a sad life. I spend a lot of my time wishing for all beings to live inpeace and happiness, and this guy is no exception. Is it his fault his life is like this? Hell yes. But despite that, I hope he finds his way someday. That way I can feel better about calling him an asshole to his face, as it were, without meaning to. My intention was never to cause more pain.

I'm going to go play with the new baby now. Having an 8 month old girl at the day care rocks! And we keep on moving on...

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