According to my Behavioral Therapist, is takes 30 days to change a habit. So my habit of panic attacks should take 30 days to change, starting today. He gave me the Therapist's Manual on "Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic" and told me to heal myself if I can. He also said that cognitively I should no longer be having panic attacks because I know why I'm having them, what triggers them and exactly what I am afraid of. In short, I might just need the damn drugs.
However, since I can't see either my psychiatrist or my OB until next Friday, I am working on a plan my BT and I developed. A 30 Day Plan to change my habits and thinking, and the way I deal with stress and anxiety in general. I t helps that the boy who screams and his sister aren't here today due to appointments. That's what their Mom told me during our long talk when she picked them up yesterday, anyway. If that's not true, so be it. At least I've had a good day. It's been calm, quiet and fairly enjoyable, with a distinct lack of noise. Hurrah!
The nurse from the OB's office called me back last night, and this is why I hate talking to a nurse or other middleman. She only asked about the two drugs I was taking before pregnancy, not a treatment in general, so she told me the doc would recommend taking Lexapro and using Xanax in emergencies. She sugggested I could wean off before the baby's born? Which means she had no clue about the medication. I looked at perinatal effects on the internet last night and found some really scary stuff. All the websites mention that there are now "safe" drugs, but none of the websites listed what those drugs were. So we wait until Friday and talk to the pros face to freaking face.
My Master Gardener application came today, but the program doesn't start until next year. I'm thinking of submitting one a month until I'm accepted...would that be creepy? There are only 25 spots, and I WANT IN. I also looked at some schools both physical and internet for horticulture. The news is not good. There are two internet schools, one of which is based in the UK and charges about $800 per class. There are 10 classes a year. Three years of school. Internet school. Hell no: if I'm paying that much I want to have an instructor to beat up face to face when I need help, not someone I'd have to conference with at 3 am over the net.
It looks like the only physical schools close to me are either the HUGE institution half an hour away, or stuff that's closer but crazily out of our price range. So the MG program looks like the best shot, and I'm OK with that! 30 days of change, a potential way out, and the baby is kicking a ton. It's going to be OK. (repeat until convinced)
Also, a friend may have a way to sew and make money at it. We'll be sorting out the details after Easter. I'll post details if it looks like it's going to be a go!