Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Plodding on

Well, I keep waking up pregnant. I keep going through the day, pregnant. I keep eating, sleeping, talking, showering and doing my job, all while pregnant.

The pineapple seems to be a dismal failure.

I go back to the OB on Thursday, and I have this huge, well-founded fear that I will not be dilated, effaced or anything. People keep telling me that the baby has dropped, and that may be. but she has not dropped OUT yet, so I still feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever. E has started asking about exactly when in July the baby will be here. No clue kid. Wish I did.

In related, but less whiny subject matter, today Dooce posted about her post-partum depression. She was on meds during her pregnancy, which I have chosen not to do, and yet she still had to deal with that monster. I have an appointment with my physciatrist somewhere in the middle of July (note to self-really should call and find out when that is) to address any such issues. The current plan is to start taking meds as soon as I get over the shock of having birthed a child. As in within hours. Like Heather I have talked to my army of doctors and all agree that what I will be taking, and have taken, is safe for breastfeeding. Whew. I view my meds as a kind of armor, and I'm looking forward to strapping that shit back on. I'm also looking forward to making sure my impending child has all her fingers, toes, and is not horribly deformed. Can you tell that without my meds I'm kind of an optimist? No? Crap.

I have a healthy and very real fear of post-partum depression, and I am going to work very hard on making sure I take care of any and all problems as quickly as I can. My heart goes out to all those women who don't know what they are dealing with, are ashamed of what they are feeling, or are unable or not "allowed" for various reasons to get the help they need. (Scientology and all other religous/faith healing types: I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU.) Hormones can make women crazy, and it's extrememly unpleasant to be that out of control. So I praise the doctors, researchers and other science-y types that made these drugs possible. I lurve them.

And on that note, I'm going to go organize baby clothes, because I haven't done a whole lot of that yet. John thinks I'm nesting, because I've been doing things like this for the past few days. I tried to tell him no, it's just that our refrigerator was disgusting and that laundry really should be done by both of us before I start my work week with no clothes. He's not listening. Shit. Needs. Finished. Before the baby arrives and we are lucky not to walk around all day with sore lady-bits and random spit-up/food/whatever else stuck to us. OH! That's right: he'll be the one that didn't give birth or start feeding a baby with his boobs! To be fair, he's an awesome Dad and husband who doesn't shirk his duty at all. He just doesn't seem as motivated to have everyting ready, like I do. Now if I could just get that "big burst of energy" they keep telling me about...

Monday, June 29, 2009

My little ray of sunshine

E came home today~she wasn't supposed to until tomorrow, but apparently she asked for me this morning and her Bubba decided not to push it. Fine with me; having her cuddle up to me right away made my day. She's been wonderful since she got home. She's played with her toys, told us stories and generally been a delight. She has tried a few new tricks, but that's to be expected after 6 days of constant spoil. At one point to night I picked her up and just held her, smiling like an idiot. I also got a "kiss attack" which means I got smothered in kisses. Yay!

I'm glad she took her trip when she did, so we could get the stupid hospital run of no use and the car breakdown that wasn't that bad or expensive, just hot and lengthy, out of the way. We were running errands on Saturday, one of which was the procurement of invitations for my sister's bridal shower at JoAnn's. When we got to the store John's car died, much like how it died when the alternator went. Scratch that: exactly how it died when the alternator went bad. You can imagine how happy John was. Especially since up until that point we were having a damn fine day. John called AAA, I went shopping for stuff in the store, and we ended up getting sunburnt while the AAA Dude tried to figure out what was going on. He tested the alternator and battery, but both seemed fine. He checked for loose wires, etc, but couldn't fine the problem. We ended up having the car towed just down the service road to a NTB, where they ran a diagnostic and replaced a fuse. The car died at 2ish, we were done by 7 and out less than 50 bucks. The tough part was the heat and sunburn, and the worry that we were about to buy another alternator. Those things are not cheap, and baby is a-comin, according to most experts. With me not getting paid for 6 weeks, I did not want that additional expence. So Hooray! I love fuses.

Now all I have to do is make it through tomorrow, with all 5 kids back and ready to rumble. Two are still fighting sick, one is two and terrible in his funny little way, and the girls missed each other but will be fighting before nine, I assure you. I have plans of distraction and separation, but it's going to be a challenge none the less. This is my last week, though. I can do it!

I also hedged my bets and ate some fresh pineapple tonight, which is rumored to do something about causing baby to leave the womb and meet us. I don't believe it, but hell, it can't hurt, either. Plus, I love me some fresh pineapple. And if I haven;t gone into labor by Saturday our friends are having their annual 4th of July party, and they rented a Sno-Cone machine. At least I can have Sno-Cones! And E, too, she'll be so excited. Yum!

Now it's time to teach John how to log onto this blog, so he can let you know if I pop.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Yeesh!

First and foremost, baby is still within my womb. Out! Out baby! She's not listening. Secondly, my friend that is due tomorrow? Her water broke last night. She's giving birth at home, which scares the hell out of me, but she's just fine with it. Think of Megan and wish her luck...her and her birthing pool in her kitchen. What do you do with the water after? I keep wondering. Thirdly, I have had some intense contractions today. Not regular, not continuing unless I'm up and moving about, but the ones I've had have been doozies. They've worn me out, and I might have nested a little today. After the first two really big contractions, I started cleaning. Cleaning and organizing. Eventually I had to sit down, which caused the contractions to lighten up considerably.

I have no idea if these are "practice" contractions, or if I'm just dilating, or what. Baby's bopping around, so I'm not too worried about it. I figure if I'm really in labor I'll figure it out, and head to the hospital. At least John has stopped fretting around me like an old woman. He's sweet, but for a while there I felt like a pot being watched for a boil. Every sound I made, every time I stretched my back or "oofed" when I sat down he'd whip out the stopwatch and ask if I was having a contraction. Like I said, he's a wonderful and sweet guy. Who loves me and is excited. And whom I'm very happy has removed himself from on top of my head. I'm carryong enough weight as it is.

I'm off to call my Mom and let her know about the intense contractions, so she'll have a head's up for tomorrow if I need her. Next post will either be baby or about our car breaking down yesterday. Excitement either way!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Flips and flops

Both yesterday and the day before I had contractions. By yesterday evening they were coming about every 5 minutes, and lasting about a minute. Hah, ha ha ha haaaaa. John freaked out and made us go to the hospital, even though I told him we'd just get sent home. Which we did. It appears it was a combo of barometric pressure dropping, the baby finally turning head down, and some sort of joke I'm sure I'll find hilarious once this child is out of my body. We got home after midnight, I went to sleep and the cycle begins anew.

I have had some contractions today, but according to the OB my cervix is still stubbornly shut. It should guard banks, this cervix. I'm really, really happy the baby has turned, but I'm also really really ready to get this show on the road. I'm also really ready for a new job, since one boy did not take a nap and both boys busted their lips today. Two is such a frustrating age.

In other news, E is with family out of state. I think John and I are doing fairly well with this, but I miss her so much! I can;t wait for hugs when she gets back.

And now, I smell smells that must be addressed. More when I have some!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The comedian

Yesterday was another visit to the OB. John went with me this time, which was nice because I had to sit through a non-stress test for the baby. I'd done my fetal movement counts twice yesterday, and she didn't meet the 6 movements in an hour criteria either time. So the nurses strapped two monitors on and I sat there listening to my tiny Bruce Lee for 20 minutes. It took two nurses to get the monitors on because she kept moving. At one point she started kicking the monitors. Then she got the hiccups. In the end, her numbers were excellent and both her parents and the doctor were very pleased.

There's a reason I wasn't feeling her kick, however. Kid has decided that the head-down position is for sucks. She is sideways. SIDEWAYS. It's called "transverse" and they had to do an ultrasound to confirm it. On the plus side, she's a girl for 99.99% certain! We were able to see toes, fingers, belly and a heart. She's in this wonderful little yoga pose with her legs crossed. The not so great news is that if she doesn't turn on her own I am going to have a c-section for sure, because there's no other way to get her out. (Birthing a kid sideways. Ouch.) The other thing the doc told us to be aware of is my water breaking with her in this position. The water breaking thing only happens in 10% of pregnancies before labor begins, so the chances are small. But because there's no head or butt to stem the flow there's a risk the umbilical cord could get between the baby and my cervix, cutting off blood flow and oxygen. Which is a big deal. So John, E and I have all been coaching this little one: "Head down baby!" In fact, she can even go breech on me and I'll take the c-section, as long as she is OK.

Now that we know how Wee II is doing, we're having a special family day for E. Today is her sibling class at the hospital, then we're taking her out to lunch at her choice of restaurant (the Pasta Place, otherwise known as Olive Garden.) and then buying her a couple extra pairs of shorts for her trip next week. After that we're going to take her to a paint your own pottery place, and then let her ride her bike. And have a cupcake. There might be a nap/quiet time in there, and probably some dinner. But it's going to be a big day for the soon-to-be big sister! I've been looking forward to this for ages. It was intended to be a mommy-E day, but she wanted the whole family. Even better! So I better get moving and get my shower and breakfast before John and the girl get back from grocery shopping. Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Everyone's in the aviary but meeee!!!!

John's been nesting. My Mom came over today and did almost all our laundry, so she's nesting for me, too. Me? I am too tired to nest. And itchy.

I may have mentioned this before, but I have chronic shingles. I have heard for years that "you can't get shingles more than once" which isn't true. Doctors have said so, and I have lived it. Last week I got a few chigger bites on my panty line, which is where they like to bite. Since the bites are where my panties touch, the skin has gotten irritated. I also have some irritation in my cleavage thanks to my huge boobs and the heat, so I have shingles there, too. The doc gave me an anti-viral, which I used to keep in stock around the house, but I haven't been getting itchy so often lately. I also got some creams, which are helping. But I don't want to go into labor in the next 3 to 5 days, if only so that I am not in pain while this itchy. Dammit.

Not much else is happening here. I am working on finishing the hand-stitching on my Mom's quilt. I'm sleeping as much as I can. The nursery is woefully not ready. My brain feels like it's absent. I did manage to get my oil changed yesterday, though! And I put gas in my car. Maybe I'll work on the nursery tonight...

Friday, June 12, 2009

Fort, castle, bank vault

It appears that my cervix is a steel trap. Nothing is happening, aside from my child still being in an oblique position. She's in a slightly better oblique position, but I am still at a higher risk of c-section with her there. Oh, and she has descended a bit, which means that I am peeing every 15 to 20 minutes, no joking. Let me tell you how much fun that is, especially when you pee about a tablespoonful, and stand up and immediately feel like you have to pee again.

The good news is that the baby's heartbeat was 140ish, which is awesome. Things are continuing. The office made me schedule another appointment, for July 2nd. I told the receptionist that I did not want that appointment, that the baby needed to have vacated my womb by that point, because if she had not I would be insane from all the peeing. She still made the appointment, handed me the appointment card, then I peed and drove home. I also called John on the way and told him that I hate my cervix.

Tomorrow I have a spa day, which I am really looking forward to. I'm getting a massage, pedicure and haircut. I might get it colored so that half my head isn't blond. It's the lower half where the purple has grown out and I have been to lazy to re-dye it for the last several weeks. So I'll just get it put back to one color for now. I also plan on splurging on something. I don't know what yet, but I'm looking forward to it.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Waiting for that burst of energy

Oh, the hormones and what they do to us! The crying at stupid things, like TV before we nixed it, or rain. The fantastic urges we get to eat chocolate of beat of significant others in the head with frying pans. (What?) Yep, those pesky hormones...

When I was pregnant with E I suddenly developed a strange affection for floral prints, fresh flowers and hair accessories. And lip gloss. I became a girl. I mentioned to a person in my office that this was some weird nesting, and I wondered if I'd ever be myself again.

"That's not nesting." She snorted.

For the record, this was the same woman who told me not to vacuum or eat spicy food while pregnant, and carried a wooden spoon with her for disciplining her daughter. Let's just say 1) I took everything she said with a grain of salt, and 2) WTF not nesting? If that's not nesting, what the hell is? Who says MY nesting needs to be like YOUR nesting? Eh?

It turns out that "nesting" in the normally used pregnant sense of the word means that last crazy burst of hormones right before you go into labor, causing a huge burst of energy and some interesting behaviors. Like cleaning your tile floors with a toothbrush. (I have not done this, or anything like it. Yet. At least, not while pregnant.) I was induced two days past my due date last time, so I never got the chance to experience this sensation. I think nesting is actually nature's way of alerting others to your impending labor through the observation of crazy behavior. As in "Hey look! That woman is licking shoes clean, and is very large about the middle! Perhaps we should stay close to her in case a Wee baby pops out soon?" I can think of no other reason for this phenomena. It would make more sense if your urge was cook food and freeze it, or start doing kegels like it was a high paying job. But no, things like vacuuming lampshades happens.

The closest to nesting that I've come has been over the past few days. I've been making lists of all the shit I am too tired to do at the end of the day, but that still needs done. John's back is feeling much better, do he's going to get a list, probably tomorrow. I'll put it on my list-make John a list of crap to do. I did manage to get the bassinet put back together after its cleaning, and get it up to our room. And some laundry. So much to do!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Baby boot camp and the back issue

Saturday we attended out one day labor and delivery class, or "baby boot camp" as John likes to call it. E spent a day with our friends Rich and Jen, who wore her out. Completely. She had a blast! We didn't exactly have a blast, but we did get an excellent refresher course on how to tell if I'm in labor, what my innards look like right now, how to breathe during labor and contractions, and all the other good stuff. *By the way, hospital pads are the size of a baby blanket folded in half. I'd forgotten that pleasant little detail. That and the gauze undies you wear right after birth. Fun!*

It was really nice to giggle through a class with John. I'm not looking forward to labor or the chance I might need a C-section, but I am looking forward to meeting this little one!

E and I went to a baby shower for a friend on Sunday. I called when we were heading home, and found out John was laying on the couch alternating heat and ice. Which was bad news, considering he's NEVER done that before. He needs to be at death's door to go to the doctor, and I can count the number of times he's stayed home from work sick over the past ten years on one hand. He stayed home yesterday and I took him to the urgent care since our doctor's office was full. The good news is that it's probably a pinched nerve, but they didn't rule out a bulging/slipped/whatever disk. The X-rays looked OK, but the doctor said that didn't mean anything. He also actively ignored me the entire time we were there, actually walking out of the room when I was speaking to him. Dick. Anyway, he "manipulated" my husband, which looked remarkably like humping him in the face. With sounds effects. And he gave him drugs. Between the two john went to work today and seems to be doing better. I have just over 3 weeks left until my due date, so I'm very happy about that!

Friday, June 5, 2009

The good stuff (people never tell you about being pregnant)

The OB swabbed me today for Strep B, which is something we all have, but preggos need to be on antibiotics for it during labor if they have too much. I got measured, my pee tested, the heartbeat monitored, my weight recorded and my cervix checked. They do that by hand, by the way.

The results were all good! I've stopped gaining weight despite my best efforts, my pee was great, as was my blood pressure, the baby's heartbeat and my measurements. The baby is oblique right now, which means diagonal. No big deal unless she decides to stay that way. It does explain why I've been seeing feet just under my right boob, though. My cervix is shut tight, which is fine for two more weeks, then that better start changing. (You hear me down there? We WILL NOT BE LATE.) The lack of weight gain is actually a good sign, because it means I'm starting to maybe get ready.

There's a few things I've neglected to say about being pregnant, because this hasn't been the easy pregnancy I had last time. You should hear about these things, however, because they still fall under things people never tell you. Ahem:

Feeling the baby move and kick is the most wonderful thing in the word, even when you think it's going to make you pee your pants. The same goes with seeing that squirmy little thing on the ultrasound. There is such a wonderful sense of awe that comes with knowing that the tiny thing inside you wasn't there before, and will someday bean independent entity that will love you, and make you laugh and cry harder than you ever have before. Seeing that tiny thing once it comes out is beyond words. Nothing will ever be the same. It's hard to be a parent and give up free nights and lazy mornings and most of your freedom in general. It's not always fun to be at the beck and call of a tiny insane person who needs less sleep than you do, and doesn't want to just sit and read. But it's worth it. When they make you laugh, look at you and smile, learn something new and teach you about the world in a while new way. You'll never be so tired, or so happy.

Three days of insight

Since Wednesday I have had two less kids in my care. They are on vacation until Tuesday with their Grandma. On Thursdays and Fridays I don't have the nearly one year old, so yesterday and today I have only had three kids to deal with: a nearly two year old, a 2.5 year old and E. This has been so much easier, even if the nearly 2 year old can be a real throwing/running/not listening pain in the ass sometimes. I've also been going to bed really early most of this week. The night before last I went to lay down when E did, which means that by 8:30 I was happily in bed. I was asleep just after 9. This has helped a lot. Every day this week I have been wiped out and incoherent by 5 pm, which makes the end of my days difficult. I can barely talk to John, let alone the the parents who come to pick up their kids. I am not hungry, I just want to lay down. And, I am a huge ball of anxiety, because being tired makes that happen. Still looking forward to that Lexapro!

Last night was an exception, however. I wasn't as tired after only 3 kids, could hold a conversation, and I stayed up a bit later so that I could finish a dress for E's new doll. She loves the doll, she loves the dress, and that makes me a very, very happy Mommy. Someday I might actually post pictures, and it will be a huge mess of everything I've made for the last 6 months.

I'm going to go see the OB today, to find out if anything is brewing as far as impending abby is concerned. John's working half a day to cover for me, then taking a final. I think tonight we may both collapse on the couch and drool. Tomorrow is our all-day birthing class, which is an endurance test. It's a lot of info, a long time, and a lot of tired, pregnant women. It's also interesting, vital information and the class ends up being a lot of fun.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A better place

I keep reading blogs by moms who are so full of peace and calm and positive wonderfulness. In truth, that was me until I took on caring for 6 kids 10 hours a day 5 days a week. Getting back to the talk of "rhythms of life" and "peaceful times" and the like is a goal of mine. I envy those happy people. It's not that I'm not happy, my life on a daily basis just tends more towards chaos. It's getting a bit better, though. This weeks (on day 2) hasn't been as bad as last week was. I had a friend over today to help, and she listened and helped and laughed and helped me with E's doll again. After I finish here I'm going to go sew the doll's hair on. Then latch more into the hair cap part, and laugh myself silly thinking I'd get a dress for the doll finished tonight.

I took a good step yesterday: I emailed a local food shelter kind of place and inquired about volunteering starting this fall. I may need to take a job that's not ideal to start, like something in an office. Something that will pay the bills and have the kind of hours I need. But with volunteering with this organization, I'll still be doing something good and helpful. I need to do that. I need to give back in a positive way to the world as a whole. This work would directly impact people here that need help. I feel good about that. Very good.

Ah, crap. John's home and will need the computer for school. I should get to that hair and bed anyway. I hope your day is a good one!

hee hee

So it appears the sage rub worked! We'll see how the day goes, but so far so good. I'm really trying to lighten up, the kids are still teething and who they are, but maybe my attitude changing will help diffuse some of the crap.

The girls want to make their own comic books today, which makes me very happy. I think we might go outside first and run around in the grass; we had a huge storm last night and I think it's always so nice the next morning.

Really, that's all I have for now.

Monday, June 1, 2009

I just want to help people...

I'm tired, but no kids are here so that puts me in a better mood than I would've been. Three teething today, ugh. I've been puttering about the internet trying to find jobs, even though realistically I can't apply for anything for about two months. I happened upon PETCO's site today, and was happy with what I read. Then I thought I might apply for a job, until John pointed out some things not on their website. Things that I would not and could not deal with, like what happens when a puppy isn't adopted. Or where those puppies come from. Etc.

I just want a job where I can help people. It should pay a living wage, I should be able to not get screamed at all day, and a bonus would be a positive impact on the world as a whole. This job seems tough to find, but I will begin looking in earnest as soon as I can. As much as I'd love to be with my kids full time, I don't want to be with other kids full time, too. Four I could do. Six is too many. But with four, two of them will be mine, and that won't pay the bills.

So! I'm going to go do a sage rub to clear the air, work on E's doll and go to bed. There might be a shower in there somewhere. Just under 5 weeks to go, or just over 4.5, depending on your point of view. And assuming I don't go late. PLEASE don't let me go late: I found myself today hoping that I go into labor early so I can get a break. THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH THAT. A newborn is not a break. Not by a long shot. Which is why I think the job hunt will begin in earnest...and that getting back on my meds can't happen soon enough. Perhaps my blog will go back to crafty then! And far less bitching. I'd like that!