Saturday, September 26, 2009

Friday night Follies

I am, yet again, up too late. My ideal life lets me stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning and sleep in until around 10. Someday, baby. Someday I will get there.

So. It's been a wine kind of night. And I've been thinking about this year, and all the life that has happened.

Before E was born a family came to our sunday morning meeting place. It's a Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, which means no preacher, all religions are fine, even athiests. It's liberal religion. And damn proud of it. A former member came back with her husband and son, and gave a Service on being a mother. Mother, I mean. With the capital. It was shortly after a miscarriage and pregnancy terminated due to a lethal defect. I didn't know it a the time, but I was pregnant with E. I ended up leaving the service and going into the bathroom to lose my shit, quietly, when the speaker-the Mother-asked everyone to get together into small groups and talk about their experiences as parents. I couldn't do it.

As you can imagine, the memory sticks out. And now that woman is dying of cancer. Not dealing with, or treating. but dying of. She wrote a post a few days ago about how she only has a few months to live, and asked for any suggestions of things she leave for her kids to remember her by. She is also spending every minute she can with them.

I want to fix her. I want to help. To stop this. To give her the time to watch her children grow. To have secrets. To fall in love. To go to a dance, or to have a child. I still remember her long black braid, and her story about her son, who started kindergarten this year, finally ate a whole sweet potato. Her husband played the banjo and had a rat tail. I think. He's fuzzy.

It's just too short. And too beautiful to let go, doesn't it seem? It can also seem so cruel.

So as not to be a total downer, and giving me hope that things are still OK most of the time, here are some images from the Hubble.

And now it's time for me to go to sleep, and hope for extra sleep tomorrow.

Friday, September 25, 2009

babies, fairies and little dudes

First: BABY! She's been growing. B can now grab her stuffed lion, pull it up to her face and snuggle it. Right now she is massaging the little guy with happy kitten paws, opening and closing her hands and smiling at his soft, orange mane. She has been smiling a lot lately. And talking to us. Yesterday she stopped nursing for a minute, looked up at me and said "goo." She has done this a few times, but yesterday she also smiled, then snuggled back into me and resumed her milk snack.

The differences between E and B are astounding. I thought E was an easy baby, despite the fact that I started this blog to vent my frustration that she never slept. We called her Sumara (from The Ring) and I vividly remember weeping, oh the weeping, because you couldn't lay her down. E had GERD, which is baby reflux. It sucks for babies. It kept her up all the time, and she is stubborn anyway. B, on the other hand, is like me and enjoys her rest. She is an easy, easy baby. She is already trying to roll. She doesn't squirt poop across the house every time you remove her diaper. She loves her sister and her daddy. She plays. She makes me happy even when I think my head will explode from the stress of little boys.

Second: FAIRY! E has cycled through many costume ideas. I bought a pattern for Robin Hood, and then she switched to "The King of the Crystal Kingdom." I think it has something to do with Dora. So I was going to make a crown and use the same pattern. Then, at the urging of her best buddy she switched to fairy. I did my best, but the RH pattern was not acceptable. So I bought a fairy costume pattern, which is gorgeous. I'm using my free night tonight to go get the material and some pattern tracing paper, which I keep forgetting. I need the tracing paper for a pattern from Weekend Sewing-my Halloween costume maybe. Fairies have been a big deal around here lately, so much so that we are all hoping that the Fairy Craft book I ordered comes today! I want to make fairy houses with the kids, but they are still a bit too young to get it, and the boys are destructive. Which brings me to...

Third: LITTLE DUDES! The two boys are both 2, which is a challenging age with just one child. Having a duo is killing me. One likes to do what I've just asked him not to do one more time. It can be infuriating, especially when what he's doing is dangerous. The other loves to run head first into things and take toys from everyone else. Dealing with these two has kick started my desire to return to school and find a new career. The only program from our local college that interests me and is mostly online is digital photography, but it sounds great. Plus, the certificate is all online and applies to the degree. Landscape Design is also sounding good, but isn't offered online. I don't need to decide right now. ~Just to let you know, it has taken me over two hours to type this. I need to blog at naptime. During the day means constant interruptions...silly me. I thought I could finish this while the kids were eating !~

Anyway, you might hear from me tonight, but you might not. Organizing the craft room is on the agenda after buying fabric, so I might get busy with that. In either case, have a great weekend!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

by my fingernails

Right now I am sitting on my couch with a nursing infant (just put her down-typing with two hands! Weeee!) and my nearly four year old, who will not for the love of God go to fucking sleep. The last couple of days here in day care and life in general have been stressful, and hectic, and did I mention the shoulder muscle? It still sucks. It's tingling right now which means Real Pain! in about an hour. My sweet, wonderful mother came by to pick up the driving aprons I made and bring the girls some shirts from their aunt and uncle, recently returned from Aruba Honeymoon. She also brought me some Chai tea, which is the only reason I am not clinging to the ceiling at this moment.

Now that the aprons are finished, and I don't even care if I get paid for them because I am so glad they are just DONE, I am going to move on to my fun sewing. There's a dress I'd like to make, a Halloween costume or two, and then some blankets for individual play for the kids. I'm happy to be moving on to some no expectation projects. I've decided that anything I am hired to do will never be good enough for me. Oh shit-I still have some curtains to do for my friend who just had her baby. Damn. This is the last time I do curtains for anyone. Ever. I hates them, I do. Ah, well. Onward, whilst keeping calm and carrying on.

Last night I took my Grandmother to an open house for a massage place. It's the lady she's been going to for years, and someone I've seen a few times. I stopped going when she put me in a shower thing that ended up being cold water (it was malfunctioning) but didn't leave me a towel, or come back for almost half an hour. That's a long time in cold water. I'll be going to the new place a few times, though, because I need to get this shoulder thing worked out. She has a few new people there, one is an acupuncturist, the other does "Quantum Touch" and Reiki. He was on about the same level as a Snake Oil salesman as far as I am concerned-I felt nothing. I might try the acupuncture, and definitely the massage. If nothing else, it'll be nice to relax a bit!

Holy crap, I think the girl's asleep!

I broke down yesterday and ordered a Fairy Craft Book from Amazon, as well as 30 Day Shred and a relaxation yoga DVD with the Dali Lama on it. He speaks on it, I mean. I'm excited to get started on both DVDs, and the book is for fun projects to do with the kids. However, ordering the workout DVDs must have had a big impact on me, because last night I dreamed I was the Dali Lama-which was a big surprise to everyone, including me. I also had a dream that I went on a trip with my Dad, E and one of the day care kids. Weird, weird. There was really no point to that entire paragraph, except that I am super geeked to get back on the workout train. My goal is 20 pounds, which is what 30 day shred promises to help me lose. I don't need to do it in 30 days-60 or 90 would be fine. I just want to go down a pants size or two, and be a bit more toned. Oh, and not have a stomach that looks like something grew to a huge size in it then came out, leaving me with a stretched and distorted paunch. You know, little things.

B is doing great! She's almost rolling over, which I took pictures of. Will post them before she goes to college, promise. She stopped nursing at one point today to say "Goo!" to me. Too damn cute!

Beck came to visit on Sunday for a bit, and brought me my quilt. It's gorgeous! Pictures of it will be up soon, too. Hopefully. If I can get out of it/off it for long enough to take those pictures.

And for my final pointless thing: I am off to order fabric catalogs. I read about one on craft gossip, which I would link to but my laptop's being a bitch and randomly re-routing sites on me. Anyway, I read about a fabric catalog, requested one, and now want more. I haven't received the first one yet, but flipping through pages and pages of fabric sounds wonderful to me. Off to explore!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Time flies!

How the hell has it been over two weeks since my last post?! Oh yeah, baby in the house.

Who is doing well, has clear, smooth, kissable skin now. And who is sleeping in four hour stretches most of the time at night. Hell yeah!

Which is not to say I am not too tired to be rational. Apparently I have been composing blog posts in my head and leaving them there, which explains why I was so surprised when I saw the date of my last post. The naptime posting has been circumvented by my passing out at naptime. Or nursing. I really hate typing more than two words with one hand, so posting while nursing is not an option. To get you up to date:

Sister = married. The ceremony was gorgeous, the day was perfect, and the while thing was stressful as hell for me. The time frame was not set up to handle two children, especially one that was eight weeks old. I didn't have time to nurse or pump, but tried. Once the wedding and reception were over, I was very relieved. The best part was watching my sister and her husband dance; they looked so very happy. I cried more at her wedding than I did at my own. That's how happy I am for her! E did an awesome job as a flower girl. She was spectacular the entire weekend, and we had a great time with her.

B's face has cleared up completely, and I kiss her tons now that I'm not worried about irritating her baby skin. She is smiling, has laughed a few times, and she "talks" to her Dad a ton. I get a little conversation, but she's a Daddy's girl. John is smitten!

I have developed what appears to be a pinched nerve in my left shoulder. I've always carried my stress there, but now it radiates up my neck, down my back and my arm. It hurts like the Dickens. I am setting up a series of closely spaced massages on the area, and if that doesn't work I'm off to the doc. In the meantime John has kindly offered me some of the meds left over from his back. It took a few months, but I am ready to use them if I need to.

E has started preschool, and is LOVING it. She is doing really well as far as we can tell. She has made a friend named Charles. He is the only friend she talks about. Tuesday night she told me that he is brown all over, and that she loves his brown! I just read an article about children and race, so this has the perfect opportunity to talk to her about it. We talked about how Charles looks different, but is the same on the inside, and how much I like all the colors people can come in. She decided she did, too. I hope I handled that well-it's so hard to know how these things will work out. Honestly, though, I am very happy her first friend at school is brown all over. Mine was too, and after that I never worried about the color of my friends, because she had been such a good start.

I have a paid sewing job-I'm making driving aprons for my parents. OK, the paid job is from my parents, but I'll take it. The aprons sell for $65+ on the websites the kids use these days, and they are easy as hell. I might have a new business here. I have three projects lined up after these aprons: a kimono dress from Weekend Sewing, some small blankets for the kids to use as personal space here at the day care, and PJ pants from old sheets for gifts during the fast approaching holiday season. I plan to pair them with a shirt for PJs and maybe a sachet or a book. You know, a bedtime set.

The daycare is going well. The weather has been gorgeous, so we get outside a lot. We've been doing a lot of fun stuff, having a good time for the most part, and getting back into our groove. I think I might be able to hang with this job until I get back through school, which is a whole other post. Now I need to go clean the crap out of a kid's rear, which is my day in a nutshell. Hope you have a great weekend!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Surprises, surprises

Howdy! Remember that IUD I was so very excited about? Well, it had a side effect . One that I had to call my doctor about and make sure was Not A Big Deal. She had warned me that I might spot a bit after it was implanted, and I was also warned that the process itself felt like a strong contraction.

I felt nothing, and then started bleeding. Bleeding! Not spotting, but "Oh crap!" bleeding. I was fine, but it ruined my plans for the evening. No one warned me about that possibility. BE WARNED! Do not schedule babysitting for the night you get your IUD, or you may just waste a night of babysitting. Dammit.

Then, the next day our printer died. I never realized how much we used the damn thing until it was gone. We now have a shiny new printer, that is shiny. And black. And shiny!

The weekend was a mixed bag. There's been a lot of getting ready for the wedding going on, since my sister gets married on Saturday. In Toledo. Not only do we get to take a nice long car trip, we end up by a lake! But the lake is near Toledo, so it's only 75% glamorous, instead of 90%. I'm looking forward to the festivities, seeing John in a suit (handsome man!) and dancing with my kids. I broke my toe yesterday, so the only thing I'm not looking forward to is walking in high heels, but hopefully that part will be short. I'm so happy those two are getting hitched!

E has started preschool. She was so excited the first day that she peed her pants 3 times. Luckily none of them was at school. She did a great job, and is currently on her second day. She doesn't go every day, so we've had some time to work on going to the potty no matter how excited we are. Hopefully she'll remember that at the wedding. A flower girl that smells like pee is not much fun.

Finally, the rash on my baby: it was an allergic reaction to Johnson & Johnson's Head To Toe Baby wash and Snuggle dryer sheets. We are in the process of washing everything we own, but her cheeks are cute and cuddly again. Poor kid seriously looked like we rubbed her face in gravel.

I'm off to finish hemming John's pants and to finish up the flower girl basket. Have a great weekend!