So many people try to keep their blogs positive. It's a life-affirming space, a safe place, etc. I spend every day, all day, trying to be that way in the real world. This is my let it all hang out space, my safe place of negativity. When I hurt, I let it out here. When I'm tired, frustrated, depressed, alone, angry and resentful I come here and spew all the things I can't let out into real life.
My husband slept on the couch for the first time in our relationship last night. He said something I couldn't respond to. I'm in the uncomfortable spot of having nothing to say to him. My best friend. I want to call him up and bitch about him to him. That doesn't work. I am so totally fucked. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I am wandering around here keeping it together for the kids but hurting. I am so hurt. I feel like I was cut deeply and am just getting over the shock of getting cut, and noticing that the wound is a nasty one.
My friend suggested therapy for us. I don't know. Therapy helps, but it is also very hard. John will probably say we don't need it. I don't know if we do or don't, I just know I'm feeling too tired for hard, or fighting, or much of anything right now. I want to be left alone to figure this out.
Is there a moment, do you think, when everything turns? Can a relationship survive if time passes between the break and the fix? Do you think things just wear down gradually over time, and you finally notice? Or did you know all along but denied it? I'm hoping this is a fight blown all out of proportion and I'm being dramatic. Let's all hope that.